Lunch Time Story

I stood there and listened to him telling the story, his story.

I wore dark purple turtle neck sweater, deep red low cut vase, dark grey dress pants, and black ankle-height boots. My hair bangs, thicker than I last saw it, covered part of my right eye. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I wondered if I looked attentive. I wonder if he poured his heart out to me because I “looked” attentive. I wondered if he needed advices from me when he was done with his story. I wondered if I had anything to say to him.

He met her in London. They spent a few hours everyday for a few weeks together. Then he left to France, to Italy, to Canada. She went back to America. That was where they spent another few weeks together. Then he went back home to Australia. She went to see him and stayed there for a month. Finally, it was time for her to leave.

They handled the long distance well at the beginning. They wrote constantly. They talked. They looked forward to and cherished each visit. They held on for years. They must loved (still do, I bet) each other deeply.

I wasn’t sure how the story ended, really, except that they ended it. My mind drifted in the middle of the story. I started to wonder if they would ever love again, if their new love would measure up to this one. This was possibly the first love for both of them. First love itself is hard enough to get over with without being amplified by the long distance.

"It was like saving a falling leaf." He concluded.

I blame the modern transportation. They allow us to fly thousands of miles before we are ready to plunk our roots and move across thousands of miles, for love.

The Myth of Cooking

The day before yesterday, I tried to make stir fry onions and eggs. (Weird combination I know. That's all I had in my refrigerator at the time.)

I don't know what went wrong. In the end, the garlic was burned. The onions were soggy and overcooked. The meal overall looked disgusting. Everything tasted bitter and smelled toxic.

Yesterday the bf stir fried onions and pork in tomato paste for me after my once a week gym session. When I ate his food, I almost burst out into tears. It tasted so good yet it was so simple. Tomatoes and onions together woke up all of my tastes buds on my tongue and on the sides of my tongue and at the bottom of my tongue. Even the rice had flavors, I said to the bf. He looked back at me in sympathy and I knew it was time to admit how hopeless I was in the kitchen.

When I had to live on my own and cook for myself, I discovered the complexity in making a meal for the first time in my life. I thought to myself in despair, is this what I have to do everyday for the rest of my life? Cooking???!!!! The shock and desperation echoed with the same shock and desperation raised by my first period.

Like the period, I learned to deal with cooking eventually. It is good that I was poor but health conscious at the same time so I didn't fall back to easy alternative like fast food. For a while, I thought I was getting better at cooking, from always throwing everything into a pot and pretend it was deluxe fried rice to making separate dishes like normal people; from stir frying everything on earth to making soup, even steaming fish.

All of it fell apart when the kitchen got crowded, and I got busy at work. Cooking, unlike riding a bicycle, is a skill that if you don't practice you will forget.

People have told me that a good engineer would also make a good cook because cooking is about attention to details and following instructions, to the teeth.
I was never good at doing things step by step due to my short attention span. I always have to jump ahead, skip a step here and there or make substitutions in the receipt.

I guess this means that I am doomed culinarily and professionally.

Good thing is that I have a boy friend that cooks. Now...if only I can get him to take up a second job.

So much to say

I haven't updated for so long. I have so much to say, to be written down.
The problem is that if I don't write them down when they pop up, they slowly evaporate, leaving an after taste in my mind which reminds me that I once had something interesting to say. But now they are gone.

I changed my job. I am very proud of myself. Here is why:
People tell me all the time that it would be the same everywhere. Same problems only with different representations, same annoying people only with different faces and name tags.
But I searched for new jobs anyway and changed anyway because I still believe that things can be better. It came as a little shock to me that I am actually an optimist at heart. I am proud of myself for still believing in the good in people and society.

This year is full of surprises. Who would've guessed it would rain in late July, who would've guessed lightening and thunders would take over the sky on a summer night . On Saturday, the boyfriend who hadn't seen too many lightening in his life was struck by the "beauty" of lightening and insisted on driving towards it to get a "closer" look.

The drive led us to the hills of Palos Verde. After we drove higher and higher on the dark whinny roads of PV, we somehow stumbled upon a make out spot, oh, I mean, a look out spot that sat on the edge of the cliffs and overlooked the ocean. The boy friend was happy to point out that we were not the only crazy people who chased after the lightening on this Saturday night. The little look out spot was packed with cars. People watched the lightening like they would with fireworks. There, leaning against the hood of a Tacoma, I wondered if this explained the ultimate differences between men and women. He held out the camera high in his arm, trying so hard to capture the ever so elusive lightening, while I was more stunned by the ocean beneath, the long curvy coast line and the lights on land that represented roads, houses and lives.

Sometimes I Hang On A Little Too Much To Old Memories

QQ and Yiya both moved back to China from different parts of the world within this past week. I can't help feeling a little left out. I have absolutely no reason to. I used to be the only one outside of the Chinese border among our high school friends and never felt there was anything wrong with that. But things were simple back then. There were no other alternative paths but to finish college, within a reasonable time. No matter where we were in the world, we were all still working towards the same goal.

Then sometimes during college, both QQ and Yiya and many other high school friends came out of China and become scattered in US, Europe and Asia.

Then it's time to say bye bye to college. We now have many choices presented to us. Many moved back to China. Some of us stayed. I haven't regret my choice of staying. But after I heard that both QQ and Yiya had arrived safely in Dalian, I started to feel a little scared: Scared of the unforeseeable consequence of my choice. Scared that my path will take me further and further away from them after this week. Scared that I would no longer be able to relate to them, to share the many feelings and fears....

It looks like when I said bye bye to college I also waved goodbye to the days of my invincible youth.

There is this website where you can send post cards to them. On the post card, you can write down a secret or draw an image of a secret that you never told anyone before. They will put the post card on the website anonymously.

I guess my post card would be something like this:
A childish drawing of me waving with a handkerchief in my hand. On the left corner, two small figures walking away from me one after another. In the middle there is a line goes across the post card. Next to the line is my handwriting in blue ink: I will miss you very much... more so than I will worry about myself being left behind.

When A Broken Roof Met the Rainy Season

Wind...
Strong wind...
Very strong wind...
It was 7 o'clock in the morning.....
I opened up my eyes.
I could hear the wind thrashing around the trees outside of my window...

"Ding ding ding..."
A phone rang.
When a phone is ringing, you have to pick it up.
But I missed it.

Played the voice mail on the speaker phone...
A man's voice coming through.... "Helloo....hello.....Feizi feizi.. hello!!"
(of course he said my real name instead of feizi)
He was out of breath...
The voice was not familiar to me. It was harsh and full of edges.... Not a former lover, that's for sure.

"It is your roommate."
Just when I was ready to ignore the whole incident and go back to sleep, the bf spoke up.

I dialed the number back.
"Ah Feizi feizi. I saw... I saw your car..."

We got out of bed. Fast. I couldn't remember the last time I got out of bed this fast...
I grabbed the cell phone.
I despite cell phones. Carrying a cellphone is like having a invisible rope tied around my neck. But I never go anywhere without it. Who knows when an important phone call will come in. Who knows when I will need to dial the three magic digits for rescue... all for the sake of the few important occasions...

We got on the street... sparkling...there are something sparkling on the street... all over the street...
Next to them was a white car. My white car.
The front wheels were turned in a way which made it seem like she was screaming to be driven.

She was screaming alright. But it was for something else.
Pain.
Someone, probably a thief, hurt her last night.
Her tears are over the street looking sparkling under the morning sunshine....
The wind had spread the tears even further. By then the whole block was covered by tiny sparkling glasses...

The wind was still blowing strong. It came through my jacket, through my sweater to my bare skin. I tried not to tremble. I tried to plant my feet firm in the ground. Only I had no control of my hair. My hair was growing wild in the wind.
I wonder if it was her scream that woke me up at 7 o'clock this morining.

I dialed 911.
They said I shouldn't touch anything, open any door until the policy officer came over.

"Sorry... I have to leave you on the street like this. Sorry....I can't clean you up yet." I thought to myself as I walked back to the apartment.

Before I turned the corner, I looked back at my little white car in the wind. Vulnerable is not enough to describe her.

After I turned the corner, the wind disappeared.

No More Wisdom

Dec 31st, my leftmost tooth started hurting. It was just my luck that no dentist was open on that day or the following two days.
I rushed in to the dentist's office as soon as they reopened in January.
It turned out to be an infection caused by my growing wisdom tooth. I left the office that day with a x-ray picture of the lower left corner of my mouth and an appointment with an oral surgeon.

Magically, after the visit to the dentist, it didn't hurt anymore. I looked at the x-ray picture again and again debating whether I should chicken out on the surgery and just hope for its decision to stop growing.

When the date of appointment finally came, I was glad I went in to see the oral surgeon.

When I was put to watching the wisdom teeth video, the video talked about the worst case of wisdom tooth. It was when the tooth was growing side ways and FULLY covered by tissues AND bones. Bones?! I remembered thinking "Wow, that really sucks. I sure couldn't have that judging by the little x-ray photo I had at the dentist."

After a full mouth x ray, it turned out that I had two other teeth growing on my right side. Both growing horizontally. Both covered by bones.

Anyway, since I need to be put to sleep for the left one, I agreed to remove the right ones also.

"Don't worry. It will be over in 45 to an hour. You won't feel a thing after you wake up."
"hehehe..." was my nervous chuckles.

Later on, by later on I mean after I looked at the bill that almost put me to another doctor's office, I was put on a dental chair. The nurse attached four circular pulse detectors on both of my wrists and my ankles...You know like in the movies. After that I could see my heart rate on the screen of the EKG machine...again, like in the movies...
I couldn't help thinking this is kinda cool. I wish someone could take a picture of me so I could see how ridiculous I looked later on.

I should keep a short story short.
They then have me inhale the sleeping gas. I struggled hard to keep my eyes open for a while.
Then the next thing I know, I was helped by a nurse into a bed in a small sleeping room with a mouth full of soft cotton pads. Before I fell back to sleep again, last thing I remembered was the smell the blood from my mouth.

A while later, I heard my ride, the bf, came in and sat down next to me. Then the nurse came in and told him to wake me up. Before he could do anything, the nurse turned on the bright orange light that shined right into my eye. I sat up immediately.

Hours later, I was at home. The anesthesia was no longer in effect. But it didn't hurt as much as what people had told me. My mouth was just incredibly sore. My jaws, tongues, teeth.... sore sore sore...


This is wrap up the story of the removal of my wisdom teeth.

Tangerines.

They bring back fond memories from my childhood.
Like...
Cold winter afternoons
Gloved hands peeling open a tangerine and the smell of tangerines on the gloves
Dry tangerine skins lying in a line on top of the heaters because they make the room smell good.
and
a teacher extend her hand to me with a tangerine in it after I had been coughing endlessly in class

I always associate tangerines with winter. We have long endless winter in our hometown. 6 month. Twenty years ago, the distribution of fruits were controlled and paid by the government. Fruits from the south didn't get transported to the north. Before the winter came, people in our hometown would stock up on fruits, such as apples and tangerines. What we stored were the only fruits we could eat in the following 6 months.

Then several years later, free trade markets were established. I didn't realize the significance in calling a market FREE until many years later. At that time, free trade market brought oranges and strawberries and pineapples, watermelons in winter to the frozen north.

After the free trade market, I hardly eat any tangerines anymore.

Many years later, in a city with no winter, my cube mate discovers tangerines at a local super market where he always buys lunch boxes. He brings them back to the office and shares them with me. He calls them hybrid oranges because they appear smaller than the "normal" oranges.

At the same time, I find boxes of tangerines scattered in my room and my boyfriend sitting on the couch, eating five of them at a time.

The boyfriend used to get up early on Saturday mornings to go to farmer's market for grapes. "They are healthy snacks." he announces it every time I point out the fact that the amount of the grapes he buys can feed a small army.
Then he tastes a tangerine.
Now he gets up early Saturday morning to go to farmer market for tangerines. Now I tell him the amount of tangerines he buys can feed a small army.
Now he replies, "Tangerines are healthy snacks. They are also not so tedious to wash as grapes!"

Now I start eating tangerines again. They remind me of winters in Dalian.

Long Long Way To Go.

scribbled on napkins in a restaurant after a dental visit while listening to Def Leppard's long long way to go.

Sometimes I wish my life could end right now.

when my parents are still young, only in their early 50s.
when their health hasn't started to decline.
when they have stopped trying to change each other, have accepted and learned to live with each other's flaws.
when they decide to not work so much anymore and start to enjoy life more.

when my grandparents, with some help, can walk, talk, hear and see fine and think clearly,
when my grandmother still can show me how she makes her world famous vegetable bun,
when I can ask my grandmother to make the waistline of my QiPao smaller,
when I can open the curtain in my bedroom and see my grandfather working in the garden.
when my grandfather can explain why he disagrees with my taste in poetries and can locate most of his books on his shelves.


when my boyfriend still loves me.

when my friends, some graduating from school, some starting a new job, some getting married, haven't been so terribly disappointed by their lives, work or husband.

when myself, depending on no one, having no one depending on me, have not too much responsibilities at work, no kids to raise.
when I am free to do whatever I want to do.
when I still have what they call "hope"
when I still believe that life is full of endless possibilities and I can achieve whatever I set my mind on.

I wish my life ends here and now, with hope, without regrets.
because I am afraid of moving forward, I am afraid to see people I love leaving me, afraid to see lives wither, lives lost.

yeah I want to be this selfish girl and die at the happiest time of my life.

yeah...

Hey Mom

Today is June 9th in China. No, I havent' forgotten.
Happy Birthday, Mom!

Too bad you are on a business trip so far away from home.
I bet no one on the trip knows today is your birthday, either.
What I won't tell you is that I cried a little this morning after I woke up, coz I knew you were alone on the day of your birthday and I really missed you.

Mom, Will you find time to eat a bowl of long-life-noodles today? I want you to live til 100, 150, 200...
If I ever become a vampire. I will make you immortal also.

Sincerely,
Your Favorite Daughter

明月几时有？把酒问清天。不知天上宫阙，今夕是何年。我欲乘风归去。惟恐琼楼玉宇，高处不胜寒，起舞弄清影，何似在人间。

转朱阁，低绮户，照无眠。不应有恨，何事长向别时圆？人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全。但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。

A Long Sentence.

The TV screen that shows breaking news, sitcoms, and Hollywood gossip in an early evening in contrast to the lights and the last of the sunset outside of the wall-sized window makes me feel incredibly sad.

Shall I Feel Sorry For Her?

First of all, men are pigs.
I am sorry, let me rephrase it. Most men are pigs. OK, this sounds a lot more rational now.

There is this cute girl at my friend's work. What she does is, may I say, quite simple and brainless. All that is required is to be able to read and write.
But she somehow managed to mess it up. My friend was quite upset at her because she made what was supposed to be extremely sensitive and confidential public.
But this male co-worker went around the office and told people that this girl was having a bad day because today was her, I don't know, 29th, or 28th birthday. But her husband isn't doing anything for her so she is feeling "down".

Hearing this made my friend turn from upset to quite furious at this girl and... at men.

First of all, We should all try not to let our personal lives affect our professional lives. Everyone goes through rough times. Take a day off if you are not in the condition to perform your job functions.
Having a bad day does not justify the critial error she made which directly affected her colleagues's, my friend's, work and reputation.

Secondly, it is extremely unprofessional of her and this male worker to talk about her personal life at work, not to mention using it as an excuse to slack off and make people feel sympathetic towards her when she made mistakes.

Lastly, imagine if she was a guy. Hehe~~ Imagine my friend telling a male coworker that "oh this poor guy screwed up badly because he is having a bad day. Today is his 29th birthday and his wife is not doing anything for him. That's why he is feeling sad and that's why he accidentally put your credit card number and your social security number on the Internet. But please do find it in your heart to forgive him because he IS having a .. bad.. day...after all." Imagine that!
Hehe~Talking about double standards!

The worst part is this whole thing almost made my friend look like a bad person for criticizing the "poor" birthday girl.

Oh by the way, there is no "my friend". It is all me. I am the insensitive girl in this story. and just FYI, I don't fucking care if today is her fucking birthday nor do I care if her husband is not doing anything for her. This is her 29th or something like it birthday after all. Do fucking grow up.

Did I mention, most men are pigs?

Today Is International Women's Day

Yay~~ go us!!

Oreos...Milk's Favorite Cookie

Today, I decided to be a bad girl.
So I skipped Yoga class and went to the super market and bought a bag of OREO cookies and hot coco mix with mashmallow.

I blame it on the little boy in the TV commercial. The one in which the cute little boy dips an Oreo into a tall glass of milk, looks into the camera and says, " Have you notice how an Oreo tends to make milk disappear."

Everytime I see this commercial on TV, I feel compelled to put my fingers on these Oreos!

My Period Came

My period finally came.. Yay!
It is 2 weeks late.
I rang up my doctor last Friday," My period hasn't come this month. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. The last time this happened was when I moved here from China in March and I had to adjust to the warm weather and stuff like that."
Doctor, "Do you want to come to my office? We can do a quick pregnancy test."
Me," pregnancy test? I don't think I am pregnant though."
Doctor," Are you sure?"
Me,"Can you get pregnant from a public swimming pool?"
"No." he chuckled. (Doctors are not suppose to chuckle! and I was not trying to be funny.) "It could be stress from work."
Me, "Stress? I have no stress. Work has been slow lately."
Doctor,"People get stressed out from sudden decline of workload."
Me, "No kidding?!"
Doctor,"Yes. People get stressed out from boredom. You can come in for a quick check up if you want to. Otherwise, just try to relax. Don't stay up too late and drink lots of water."

After I hang up the phone, I made a note to remind myself to buy scented candles after work.
(You know, the ones that says "Calm" or something like it on the label.)
While I was lightening up candles later that night, I couldn't help thinking how sweet it would be if there was a boy I liked and he was here right then. A boy can help me relax much better than scented candles.
The thought of that and the possibility of never finding "the boy" got me all worked up again. I start to picture myself dying a lonly death. And no one found out about my dead body until couple weeks later. and when they did find it, no one could identify it...etc.. I grew more and more anxious as my imagination went wild. In the end, I didn't become as relaxed as I was supposed to be. But for some reason, my period decided to come,eventually, which is good, I mean, very good. so I am all jolly and happy now.......... Yay!

I Am Such A Push Over!

I agreed on a quick take out at Quizno's coz I was tired from working all day. but it somehow turned out to be a dinner at El Pollo Inka with live(LOUD!) music and a 15 minutes wait before we got our table.
I was gonna have a movie night at the comfort of my home and maybe go to bed early. But I found myself driving TO home in the middle of the rain at 1:30 in the morning after seeing at least three yellow flood warning signs within 5 miles.
I am such a push over. Neither of these would have happened if I am a little better at saying NO. My ex boyfriend is an expert at saying NO. Why didn't I learn anything from him? I wonder...

I am not picking on my ex boyfriend! It is a compliement. and so what if I picked on them. That's the only thing they are good for. To be picked on.

A Quarter of My Wisdom....Gone

Yep!! I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled this past Monday.
Afterwards, the doctor showed me the tooth and asked me,

"Do you want to keep it? I can wrap it up for you."
"No." I turned my face in disguise, "Please, take it away from me."

Later that day, I asked my housemate, "Who wants to keep their dead teeth around?"
He responded, "I did! I kept all four of my wisdom teeth after I had them pulled. Only I can't find them now. But......" He added with a big grin, " I know for sure they are somewhere in my room."

Yikes!!! Can't believe I am sharing a house with a teeth keeper~~ yikes yikes...

Check out what my mom got me for Chinese New Year!

Last night, I called to say Happy Chinese New Year to the whole family.
Then I asked my mom, "so, where is my red envelop?"
"Don't worry!!" she said, sounding all cheerful, "It is already in your email! I gave you a big one this year!"

so I checked my email and this is what she got me:



CNY
Is she cute or what?

Not My Normal Saturday Routine

Because today is a very productive day.

I got up around 10am, which is considered very early for a weekend. After dumping two weeks of dirty laundry to the washer, around 11am, I set off to buy breakfast. Bought smoothie, bread, pesto spread, cereal, milk, orange juice, spinach pasta, pasta sauce, fish fillets, tomatoes and apples. It's a week's supply of fruits and breakfast. After loading the groceries to the car, a lovely lady volunteered to take my cart and return it for me. And she even gave me a smile and told me very sincerely to have a nice day.. I was a little overwhelmed.... Maybe it is the super bowl weekend spirit.. Who knows....hehe...

I came back around 12. Just in time to move my cloth from the washer to the dryer. I can't make up my mind on what to eat for breakfast so I ate a little bit of everything. The pesto sauce is really yummy. BUt! What's yummier is Ethan Hawk on Gattaca. Yeah, Gattaca was shown again on TV. This is the third or forth time I watched this movie. I can't get enough of it.

At 2:15, I met up with a friend to go shopping at Ikea. I bought shelves for T shirts and sweaters, and hangers for shoes. My closet will finally be organized. :D I also bought dry flowers for the bathroom. They are in pale yellow and white. I made sure it is not too flowery or colorful for my male housemate that shares a bathroom with me.

Around 5pm, we went to long beach to pick up my book. I am so dumb. I accidentally sent my order to my previous address. (Amazon doesn't allow me to delete old shipping addresses.) I had to write the current residence a letter to explain the situation. Luckily, the current residence is a very nice gal so we arranged a pick up on Saturday.

Today is the opening of a friend's friend's gallery. My friend's work is showing at this gallery in Long Beach. We decided to come and check it out. We arrived around 6pm. It's one thing to take pictures with your Nikon camera, it is another thing to see it hanging on the wall of a gallery with a price tag. My friend's photos are at the center of the gallery. A copy of her photograph called flight attendances was already sold. "400 bucks," She kept whispering to me. "I can not believe someone paid 400 bucks for my photograph! That's insane!"

This gallery exhibits photographs from seven artists. Most of them are part time photographers. I really liked photos by this guy called Tod. His photograph turned the old abandoned door frames into something truly beautiful. His colored photos have an earth tone that makes me feel calm and grounded. He gave me the same feeling in person, too.

The only professional photographer in this exhibition is Yoshi Hashimoto. He is the photographer that documented the final days of the Lexington Hotel, where Al Capone used to live. He was given exclusive photographic access to the interior of the building and continued shooting until the day before the demolition began.

He made the photographs of the Lexington Hotel into a photo album. While I was sitting down and going through the photo album, he introduced himself and started to explain the stories behind each photo and pointed out details that were otherwise easily overlooked. These photos were taken in 1995, close to ten years ago. He still seemed to be able to recall lots of details about the event. and he handled the photo album with great passion.

I'd like to stay longer but I was hungry and tired. We left around 8pm. we drove back to Torrance and went to a Raman place. We each had a bowl of Raman. Yummy.......I finished mine very quickly and sat and listened to my friend bitch about work.... Venting puts her into a good mood as food does for me.

got home around......Don't know.... 10 or 11pm. After I carried all the bags from Ikea up a hundred stairs and into my apartment, I found....This is the best part of the day, a pot of burning red tulips sitting outside of my bedroom door, a welcom gift from my roommates. And there is a card. yeah, I am gonna go read it now. nighty night~~~

Procrastination is Killing Me

I only have 24 hours to go before the moving truck comes over to pick up the boxes and move them to Redondo Beach. So far, I have packed NOthing.

My original plan was to pack a little bit everyday throughout the whole week so by Friday I will, at least, finish packing all of my books and cloths.
But it didn't happen!
Monday, don't remember what I did.
Tuesday, went to yoga class. By the time I got home my whole body was so sore I couldn't do anything except to lay flat on my back and read magazines.
Wensday, did that big dinner. Got home really late. After showering, it is almost time to go to bed.
Thursday, decided that I will take Friday off to pack. so why do anything today when i have whole day tomorrow? may as well relax a little bit before the big weekend.
Friday, got up around 11am. ate a bowl of cereal. surfed online for about a hour. blogged for half hour. now it is 1:35pm. I only have 11 and half hours left. besides, I need to somehow find time to sleep and eat and shower between now and tomorrow afternoon.

what am i gonne do? so much work so little time!!!

Procrastination is killing me. Why am i so lazy? Is laziness in the genes? I bet it is. maybe I should research it online. but on a second thought, maybe I should starting packing so I can first move my lazy ass to redondo beach. the research can wait, but the roaring moving truck can't.

Mother Nature

Tuesday night.
It is pouring outside. Huge rain drops hit my window like bullets. It has flooded most of the parts in downtown LA and Melrose. Lightening strikes constantly. i am sitting at home and worried about my commute tomorrow morning.

Watching the news doesn't make it any easier.
In south east asia, entire families are swept away. Children float by in water. Huge waves take lives away right in front of the eyes.
60,000 people died. more people are missing.

once again, we are reminded how insignificant and helpless our dear lives are in front of mother nature.
but...we all know that the survivors will somehow manage to carry on with their lives when all of this ends, they will learn to live with the pain of losing loved ones. i don't know how they'll do it. but over and over again in history, we have survived in situations worse than today. They certainly can do it again. Paradise lost, paradise will be rebuilt.