Don't You Cry Baby

Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye

Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

I was overwhelmed with sadness when I heard that Jack was going back to China in two weeks, for good.

It didn't feel real until I talked to him over the phone, until he told me he already quit his job, until he told me about his plans for his company in China, until he told me he already found an apartment close to the factory and he was ready to work six days a week.

that's when I realize that we are going to lead very different lives from now on. Our path cross briefly in our journeys. Now it is time to say "good bye".

Some of my friends like to talk about how they probably will go back to China or wherever they came from eventually. But Jack, as far as I know, was thinking about buying a house, moving his parents here, and settling down in US. That's why it broke my heart to hear that he is leaving us in two weeks.

After I hang up the phone last night, I sat on my bed and cried. I am going to miss him so much. With him gone, who is gonna help me with my swimming techniques, who is gonna stay behind with me when we all go kayaking and I fall behind, who is gonna be my translator when everyone is cracking jokes in Cantonese.

I grabbed a new box of tissues and cried more. I had such a wonderful weekend. I danced with the boy I liked. I felt his arm around my wrist, his freshly shaved face against mine, his breath on my neck. I was all exceptionally happy and jolly for a Monday, then I heard the news about Jack. I was not prepared for it. Right after graduating from college, some of my friends went back to their own country, some of them went to other cities for work. I didn't shed a tear because i knew this was what supposed to happen when a chapter of life closed and a new one started. But I did not except that I would lose a good friend on a sunny afternoon in April. No, I was not prepare for it.

When I came to work this morning, a coworker asked me why my eyes were all red and puffy. He send me Guns n' Roses's "Don't Cry" after we finished our coversation. He is the kinda person that will always find the right song for the occasion. Part of the reason I felt so sad about Jack leaving is that I felt I wasn't as a good friend to him as he was to me. and now I won't have a chance to make it up to him. I played this song all day. I have to remind myself to be good to all these wonderful friends I have,including this coworker who knows exactly which song to give me when I am down, and never take any one of them for granted anymore.

"and I don't want to be your regret, id rather be your cocoon"

1. I drink a small cup of hot coco with milk every night before I go to sleep. The smell of the hot coco calms me down, reminds me of home, puts me to sleep and makes me dream sweet dreams.

2. I am listening to this song and writing this blog to keep my mind off you. "and I don't want to be your regret, id rather be your cocoon, but this is all that you have, so please, let me take what's left of your heart, and I will use, I swear ill use only what I need, I know you only have so little, so please, let me mend my broken heart, and you said this was all you have and its all i need but blah blah...."

3. My car ran out of gas this morning on my way to work. Good thing is it stopped while I was going up hill on a small street so there are no cars behind me. A good friend from work came over with three gallons of gas and rescued me. By the time I got to work, everyone asked me the same question, "How could you run out of gas? Don't you have the little light on?"
I am so not gonna answer this question again here!

4. I think it is unfair that you came into my life, caught my attention, and captured my heart and there was nothing I could do to stop you.

5. I am half way through this book that I bought in Portland. I am absolutely in love with it. It is so rare to find a book that is both inspiring and beautifully written. The author is a master of metaphor. I always find myself copying down sentences, sometimes entire paragraphs. I almost don't want to read it too fast so it won't end so soon. A one liner description of this book is:"What Catcher in the Rye did for youths...Anthropology does for women."

Listening.......

Lebanese Blonde by Thievery Corporation...

Too low to find my way
Too high to wonder why
I've touched this place before
Somewhere in another time
Now I can hear the sun
The clouds drifting through the blinds
A half a million thoughts
Are flowing through my mind.

And may you never love in vain

and in my heart you will remain
Forever Young, Forever Young

And may sunshine and happiness
surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young

Got this song in the email for Chinese New Year.
This is just plain SWEET.
Nothing could be more appropriate than this song on this day of the year....

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
with a prince or a vagabond

And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young ,Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
For, Forever Young, Forever Young

I wish all of my friends and all the random readers that come across this blog
a very happy New Year.

No matter where you are in the world,
or how difficult life seems to be at this moment(yes, I am talking about you and you, too),
I hope you will always find confidence in yourself and never give up on your dreams.

You will be forever young and strong and full of hopes in my heart~

Love you all!!

MJ

Second Morning at Redondo

8:15am. i forgot to close the window last night. the wind blows a little chilly in my bedroom.

8:16am. still hiding under the comforter and blankets. eyes fixed on the alarm clock while trying to use my mental power to stop the needles from moving.....so fast.

8:30am. finally get out of bed, push open my bedroom door and into the living room. both of my roommates are gone for work. bright sun lights quietly shine through the wall sized window and flourish the living room floor. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. I have to take a step back and spend a moment to take all of this in. I am not exaggerating if I say i feel exhilarate and vibrant standing in my pajamas in this living room.....of this new apartment, new city.....with this new life....
Changes did me good!!

on the way to work, i find myself singing along to "Phantom of the opera"

Think of me,
think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye.

Remember me
once in a while
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again,
you long to take your heart back and be free.......

We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me

Forbidden Colors

我歌月徘徊，我舞影凌亂~~

仍然喜歡那首禁色.歌詞中的迤邐風景,歌者哀婉低沉的嗓音
還有纏綿入骨的旋律, 總能一次又一次打動我的心.

I Heart FrouFrou

Let Go

Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like


FrouFrou_Details

this is the song i have been listening to everyday for two weeks.
it still stirs up so much emotions inside of me every time i play it.
turning 25 next year, i still have the inexplicable feeling of lost and confusion.
when will it go away? or will it ever? maybe after i turn 30, i will be that much wiser so i can look back and have a hearty laugh about this silly mid20 crisis.

but for now...Let's just play on~~

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Lost Child

It’s Monday. 12:30 Thai Purple Downtown Monterey Park

I entered the restaurant on a Monday afternoon. I am usually working in the office or out grabbing lunch at this hour. But I took the day off today. Here I am entering a Thai restaurant on a Monday afternoon. I expected lots of solo diners like myself at this hour. To my surprise, this restaurant is full of couples, friends, mother daughter, mother son quietly dining away at their leisure. (need a word here) The environment is so laid back it is surreal. I have to take one step back to the outside of the restaurant. I see again cars jam on the street, people rushing to cross a green light; I see the sun burning over my head again. OK. The outside world is still busy and hot and all that. It’s just that the restaurant is on a slightly slower pace. Amazed, because I never realized so many people need not to work, I entered again, sat down and wrote everything down.

星期一下午五点, 这一整天啊, 你都没上班. 满城的乱逛. 你要找的是什么呢?
从东到西, 从南到北, 南加大, downtown Monterey park, old Pasadena.
你这个lost child, 一整天,半缸汽油之后, 你找到了你要找的东西了吗?

我在找一双眼睛, 一个身影, 我在人群寻找你. 我是一个迷途的孩子, 我上上下下的寻找这人生的答案.

我是一个迷途的孩子. 漂亮衣服, 落地玻璃里自己的美丽身影,会让我高兴那么一小下, 可是在不同衣服下面, 我仍然是一个迷失在这个世界里的不断行走毫无方向的孩子.

在书店里, 走过一排排的书架, 哲学历史宗教音乐戏剧, 哪里有我的答案呢? 我不要人生只是如此的话. 我相信有一条不一样的路. 没找到之前,

我仍选择继续迷失~~~~~~~~~~~~

唱:

Pride you took
Pride you feel
Pride that you felt when you’d kneel

Not the word
Not the love
Not what you thought from above

It feeds
It grows
It clouds all that you will know

Deceit
Deceive
Decide just what you believe

I see faith in your eyes
Never your hear the discouraging lies
I hear faith in your cries

Broken is the promise, betrayal
The healing hand held back by the deepened nail
Follow the God that failed

Find your peace
Find your say
Find the smooth road in your way

Trust you gave
A child to save
Left you cold and him in grave

It feeds
It grows
It clouds all that you will know

Deceit
Deceive
Decide just what you believe

I see faith in your eyes
Never you hear the discouraging lies
I hear faith in your cries

Broken is the promise, betrayal
The healing hand held back by the deepened nail